Today I was reading an article about the rising mental health issues today's post-secondary students are facing. Students are increasingly anxious, overwhelmed and struggling with self-harm and suicide. It's a very sad situation, and one that has been getting worse in the past few years. As a former student, and an educator, I feel like offering my perspective.
I believe much of the anxiety and stress is the result of poor coping skills. Students want to succeed, and are terrified of failure because failure just might be foreign to them. While we shouldn't set up our children to fail, we must prepare them for it. Many times, parents and students go to great lengths to avoid failure, to the point where their education may be compromised. While the student doesn't suffer the sting of failure, they don't grow, learn or get stronger either. This can leave them ill-prepared academically and emotionally when they encounter a failure they cannot avoid.
I have encountered parents that help their child cram to pass a final exam, have completed assignments for them, have harassed teachers and administrations to bend the rules in their favour and get what they want. All so their child doesn't fail a course or assessment. Parents love their children, want good things for them, and don't want to see them hurt. I completely understand that. However, sometimes what is best isn't easy, and doesn't feel good. Sometimes what is best is difficult. Sometimes what is best is letting someone fall down and allowing them to figure out how to get back up again. You may offer a helping hand, but ultimately they must do the work. And eventually they get back up on their own.
The truth is, everyone fails at some point. How we handle our failure affects our future successes or failures. But without the opportunity to face failure (with the support of our families, friends, teachers, etc.), people can feel clueless, hopeless and overwhelmed when suddenly they are facing a major challenge on their own and don't know how to manage it.
My advice? If your child/friend/person you love is facing failure, don't try to make it disappear. Support them by helping them make a plan of action to deal with their challenges, and then hold them accountable to it. This is realistic, and, in my opinion, a good way of handling things, whether the issues are academic, financial, work-related or personal.
I have a few suggestions for students and parents for dealing with academic failure or struggle. First, the student must be involved in the solution. Don't expect to take care of the issue for them (or expect their teacher to fix it for them). Work with the student to determine a course of action. Involve the teacher - they have good ideas and know your child (and want them to succeed as well). Arrange for extra help at school, if its possible. If it's not possible, hire a tutor. If you can't afford a tutor, find resources, read your child's notes or textbook, and see if you can help them learn the concepts they have trouble with. Identify the student's strengths and abilities, and guide them in using their strengths to conquer their weaknesses. And, most importantly, lend a shoulder to cry on. Be a listening ear. And encourage them to try again if, despite their best efforts, they aren't successful.
Failure sucks. It feels awful. But it isn't permanent. We can learn from it. We can improve because of it. Without it, some people wouldn't grow. Would realize their passion, potential, strengths or how to live with less-than-ideal circumstances. Failure is a part of life, and with experience, support and access to the right tools, people can manage it without suffering serious harm.
This is the article I was reading, in case you were curious. http://www2.macleans.ca/2012/09/05/the-broken-generation/
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