One thing I love about our society is that many in it seek justice and equality for others who have faced discrimination or hardship. I believe people are designed to love each other, and standing up for and with others when they face difficulty is an awesome way to show this love. It is great!
I believe that everyone should have the opportunity to live without fear, prejudice, harassment and should be granted the same opportunities. I believe that people should be able to have different beliefs, and should have the same opportunity to express their beliefs. It is here where I feel society is failing us.
Voices have been granted to many minority and special interest groups over the years, and this has been a good thing. But in some cases, it feels like to give one group a voice, another has been silenced. I find this is the case on many moral issues. Often times, if someone disagrees with a certain issue, they are labelled stupid, ignorant or hateful. Here's the deal - if someone disagrees with a choice that someone else makes, that doesn't mean they hate them. It means they believe that choice is wrong. They do not necessarily with anyone harm because they think differently. Do some people act that way? Yes, and they are generally present on both sides of any cause. Is that behaviour/attitude wrong? Of course!
Here's my concern. My concern is that someone cannot fully express their beliefs without being labelled a bigot, being told that it is because they hate others, or being harassed for it. Believing that to do a particular thing is wrong can mean only that you believe that particular thing is wrong. Instead of jumping on people the second they disagree with something that the majority or the media has picked up as a cause, listen to them. You may still disagree with them in the end, but hopefully you'll also see someone who will love others whether or not they agree on that issue with you. If that person expresses hate or behaviour that violates others, take action to stop that. I do not believe it is my right, or anyone else's, to be judgmental, or to treat others poorly based on differences. That's just stupid. There are some things people have in common, and there are differences, and we can love each other in either case. But believing something is right or wrong does NOT imply hatred or a wish to do anyone harm. Please understand that.
Sometimes the moment some says "I believe _________ is right/wrong" others immediately think "they hate that group of people" or that they want to discriminate against a group of people, before the person has had any opportunity to talk about what they believe in detail. Is that fair? Is it fair to silence someone on the assumption that they feel a certain way or will treat someone a certain way, based on an opinion which has not, in fact, revealed such an attitude? For example, I have always believed that sex should occur within the context of marriage. This is something I chose for myself, and what I feel is right to do. I know people disagree with me, and I love people that do. My opinion doesn't cause me to treat others poorly, or hate them, or anything.
Sometimes it is scary for someone to disagree with something, or to express their beliefs, because they know or feel that they will be wrongfully judged for them. It is scary to say 'no' to an issue that society is currently saying 'yes' to, especially when you've seen such an angry reaction. I know I have felt scared from time to time. I have been in a group of people, and felt like if they knew my opinion on a matter, they would hate me or exclude me. And that isn't right. Basically, there are certain issues where if you don't agree, you are considered to hate others, or to be stupid, when this may not be the case. And you are may be subject to hatred, ridicule or exclusion as a result. When one group is fighting to be heard, don't silence another in the process. I believe in the golden rule: treat others as you would like to be treated. I think we need to remember this, especially when we are in disagreement.
We need to fight for the rights of others, and continue to build a society where no one feels threatened because of their beliefs, ethnicity, or circumstances. And we all need to be willing to love one another, and to listen to one another whether we agree or not. When someone violates another, do something about it. When someone thinks differently, and yet still manages to love and respect others, please don't exclude them or mistreat them. Don't jump to conclusions unfairly, and don't silence someone because they think differently from you. We ALL deserve a voice, and we all have a responsibility to use our voice carefully. Hold each other accountable to that, and agree to disagree when necessary.
Saturday 25 June 2011
Goodbye, Teeka
Earlier this week, we said goodbye to our 12 year old shih-tzu, Teeka (full name Teeka Laqueesha Verdelle Isho - yeah, my family is awesome with the middle names). Over the past couple of years, her health was getting worse. She'd gained a lot of weight, and her legs were getting weaker and bowed so that she didn't walk much (but somehow managed to run at the speed of light if food was dropped - this is still a mystery to me). We found out this was because she had cushings disease. While treatment helped her hair grow back, and stopped the progression somewhat, her health deteriorated. She had cataracts, kidney problems and was generally weak. Last weekend she stopped eating and drinking, had a fever, and a few seizures. We knew it was time.
I went with my mother to the vet to have Teeka put down. I loved Teeka, but since I didn't live with her daily anymore I knew I wouldn't be in as rough shape as my mom. And I didn't want her driving alone to the vet with Teeka, and driving home alone without her afterward. I figured that would be too tough to do alone. It was strange. In the moments leading up to the final injection that would end her life, we felt peaceful. But once she was gone there was a bit of a shock. Reality sunk in that we wouldn't have her to hug, snuggle with or enjoy anymore.
Teeka was a dog full of personality (and attitude). I first met her when she was only a few days old, and was small enough to fit in the palm of my hand. We knew the breeder that we got her from, and visited her before we took her home. Originally we were thinking of taking the runt home, but when the breeder wanted the runt we chose Teeka. And we do not regret it one bit! Her facial expressions seemed to say exactly what she was thinking (many times it was "You're an idiot"). She wasn't always the most well behaved, but this was because she was protective of her family, especially my dad. And when it was just you and her, she could be so very lovable and charming.
I remember feeling sick a few times, and Teeka sat with me until I started feeling better. She was definitely one to offer comfort, and we think part of the reason she was so attached to my father was because he was grieving the loss of his sister when we first got Teeka, and she sensed that and drew close to him as a result. One of the reason I love dogs is they seem to care about how you feel, and respond accordingly. It's pretty awesome.
Teeka was also clever. When she was a puppy and she would take something she wasn't supposed to have, it was adorable to see what she'd do to hide the prohibited item (usually covering it with her paws and face when we were around). She learned many tricks, including sit, stay, dance, walk (on two feet), pray, roll over, and praise the Lord (standing and raising front paws).
When we got our second dog, Daffy Petunia Ownie Isho, Teeka wasn't too thrilled. She didn't like sharing the attention or her stuff with Daffy. But when Daffy had a cough followed by an injury, Teeka became a little more interested in her, and a bond formed. They would continue to fight over food, my dad, and for no reason at all. In fact, they would fight over food, but each would not eat unless the other was present. It was a can't live with you, can't live without you kind of situation. Sometimes the fights consisted of growling and this strange, high pitch noice made by Daffy. And sometimes they were snarling brawls. As time wore on, Daffy was usually the winner, and Teeka was the one to cool off quickly (Daffy wanted to finish the fight - Teeka didn't care how it ended).
Daffy knew something was wrong the morning that we put Teeka down. She snuggled with her, which was unusual. The dogs respected each other's space. I hope Daffy is dealing with the loss well, and that she understands. The relationship between the two dogs was one of the most entertaining things about them, and I'll miss that.
My first dog has passed away. It's sad. I wish they could live longer. I know some people think "It's just a dog!". But dogs are more than just some other species, they become part of your family.
Teeka, we miss you. We loved you from your birth on January 29, 1999 until your death on June 21, 2011.
I went with my mother to the vet to have Teeka put down. I loved Teeka, but since I didn't live with her daily anymore I knew I wouldn't be in as rough shape as my mom. And I didn't want her driving alone to the vet with Teeka, and driving home alone without her afterward. I figured that would be too tough to do alone. It was strange. In the moments leading up to the final injection that would end her life, we felt peaceful. But once she was gone there was a bit of a shock. Reality sunk in that we wouldn't have her to hug, snuggle with or enjoy anymore.
Teeka was a dog full of personality (and attitude). I first met her when she was only a few days old, and was small enough to fit in the palm of my hand. We knew the breeder that we got her from, and visited her before we took her home. Originally we were thinking of taking the runt home, but when the breeder wanted the runt we chose Teeka. And we do not regret it one bit! Her facial expressions seemed to say exactly what she was thinking (many times it was "You're an idiot"). She wasn't always the most well behaved, but this was because she was protective of her family, especially my dad. And when it was just you and her, she could be so very lovable and charming.
I remember feeling sick a few times, and Teeka sat with me until I started feeling better. She was definitely one to offer comfort, and we think part of the reason she was so attached to my father was because he was grieving the loss of his sister when we first got Teeka, and she sensed that and drew close to him as a result. One of the reason I love dogs is they seem to care about how you feel, and respond accordingly. It's pretty awesome.
Teeka was also clever. When she was a puppy and she would take something she wasn't supposed to have, it was adorable to see what she'd do to hide the prohibited item (usually covering it with her paws and face when we were around). She learned many tricks, including sit, stay, dance, walk (on two feet), pray, roll over, and praise the Lord (standing and raising front paws).
When we got our second dog, Daffy Petunia Ownie Isho, Teeka wasn't too thrilled. She didn't like sharing the attention or her stuff with Daffy. But when Daffy had a cough followed by an injury, Teeka became a little more interested in her, and a bond formed. They would continue to fight over food, my dad, and for no reason at all. In fact, they would fight over food, but each would not eat unless the other was present. It was a can't live with you, can't live without you kind of situation. Sometimes the fights consisted of growling and this strange, high pitch noice made by Daffy. And sometimes they were snarling brawls. As time wore on, Daffy was usually the winner, and Teeka was the one to cool off quickly (Daffy wanted to finish the fight - Teeka didn't care how it ended).
Daffy knew something was wrong the morning that we put Teeka down. She snuggled with her, which was unusual. The dogs respected each other's space. I hope Daffy is dealing with the loss well, and that she understands. The relationship between the two dogs was one of the most entertaining things about them, and I'll miss that.
My first dog has passed away. It's sad. I wish they could live longer. I know some people think "It's just a dog!". But dogs are more than just some other species, they become part of your family.
Teeka, we miss you. We loved you from your birth on January 29, 1999 until your death on June 21, 2011.
Wednesday 15 June 2011
If you have to ask... don't.
I like my privacy. I'm not super secretive, and I'll share information my friends and those I trust and care about. If someone is my friend, they will know about job opportunities, success of my relationships, pregnancies, home ownership, and the like. They won't have to ask about these things, because I'll tell them about it as it happens. That's what friendship is about. Sharing personal stuff.
No, I'm not pregnant, buying a house or getting a new job. I just want to make that clear before I continue. This post is in no way intended as an announcement of some major life change. As far as I can tell, my life will be the same for the next while.
Here's the deal - it drives me crazy when people ask me about the above mentioned things. Usually, the people who are asking are acquaintances. People I talk to superficially on occasion, who know me through a friend, or go to the same church as me. Most of the people that ask these things know very little about my personality, my day-to-day life, my likes, interests, friends, etc. Yet they feel it is ok for them to ask very personal questions. And in the past I've felt clueless as to how to respond. I may not want to answer truthfully, because it is information I'm not ready to make public. But I don't like to lie. That creates a problem. Even if the answer is no, I feel like my willingness to respond reinforces the idea that such questions are ok to ask, when they are not. I don't want to give the wrong impression. And declining to answer can come off as rude, or offend someone, and I don't want to be a jerk (although others don't seem to mind prying into my personal business, I'm pretty sure I'll come off as the jerk no matter what). So, it feels like I lose no matter what. Bummer.
If I had my way, here's how I'd like to respond to some of the questions I get (or have gotten asked).
Q: So, when are you going to have a baby?
A: I don't know. How's your sex life?
See, that's what a pregnancy question is. It's about my sex life. Maybe not about the sex itself, but the product of it. That's REALLY personal. Also, for all you know the woman you are asking could be trying and having difficulty, or had a miscarriage recently, or could be struggling with whether or not they will ever have a child. It just adds more pain when you're going through some reproductive issue and someone who isn't close enough to you to know these things demands that you talk about your fertility. I don't care if it is well-intentioned, it's a personal matter and just plain inappropriate to be asking about it. Don't.
Q: So, when are you getting engaged/married? (I'm married now so I don't really get asked this one much anymore).
A: When someone asks me.
I was only really asked this question after being with Alex for a few years, so most people knew we were serious. I usually answered this, although I probably shouldn't have. Many times I explained that one or both of us was still in school, so we kind of needed to have a full time job in order to pull off a wedding and living expenses. You'd think that would be obvious, but apparently it isn't. But really, my financial or personal reasons for not yet being engaged are not your business. If my friends ever asked about this, it was likely following something I said to them regarding marriage or the future. And if I bring it up, I think it's ok for you to ask for an update. If I wouldn't tell you about it otherwise, DON'T ASK! I know people who have been single, not dating anyone at the time or even recently, who have been asked this question. Like you can just get married at will. Seriously, it's a stupid question.
Q: When are you buying a house?
A: When I have enough money. Care to make a donation?
This one isn't so bad. It doesn't bother me that much, but it may bother others. Basically, house ownership boils down to how much money you have. And asking someone about how much money they have is definitely not appropriate. So, it's a good idea to steer clear of this one.
To summarize: if I want you to know about the very personal and important events in my life, I'll tell you. Because I WANT you to know. So if you have to ask, don't. And if you do, don't be offended when I politely decline to answer. Thanks!
P.S. It is ESPECIALLY inappropriate to ask me (or others) these things on Facebook. Because not only do I have the problem of figuring how to respond without looking like a complete jerk, other people will see the question, and possibly assume it has some merit. And that is how rumors start, folks.
No, I'm not pregnant, buying a house or getting a new job. I just want to make that clear before I continue. This post is in no way intended as an announcement of some major life change. As far as I can tell, my life will be the same for the next while.
Here's the deal - it drives me crazy when people ask me about the above mentioned things. Usually, the people who are asking are acquaintances. People I talk to superficially on occasion, who know me through a friend, or go to the same church as me. Most of the people that ask these things know very little about my personality, my day-to-day life, my likes, interests, friends, etc. Yet they feel it is ok for them to ask very personal questions. And in the past I've felt clueless as to how to respond. I may not want to answer truthfully, because it is information I'm not ready to make public. But I don't like to lie. That creates a problem. Even if the answer is no, I feel like my willingness to respond reinforces the idea that such questions are ok to ask, when they are not. I don't want to give the wrong impression. And declining to answer can come off as rude, or offend someone, and I don't want to be a jerk (although others don't seem to mind prying into my personal business, I'm pretty sure I'll come off as the jerk no matter what). So, it feels like I lose no matter what. Bummer.
If I had my way, here's how I'd like to respond to some of the questions I get (or have gotten asked).
Q: So, when are you going to have a baby?
A: I don't know. How's your sex life?
See, that's what a pregnancy question is. It's about my sex life. Maybe not about the sex itself, but the product of it. That's REALLY personal. Also, for all you know the woman you are asking could be trying and having difficulty, or had a miscarriage recently, or could be struggling with whether or not they will ever have a child. It just adds more pain when you're going through some reproductive issue and someone who isn't close enough to you to know these things demands that you talk about your fertility. I don't care if it is well-intentioned, it's a personal matter and just plain inappropriate to be asking about it. Don't.
Q: So, when are you getting engaged/married? (I'm married now so I don't really get asked this one much anymore).
A: When someone asks me.
I was only really asked this question after being with Alex for a few years, so most people knew we were serious. I usually answered this, although I probably shouldn't have. Many times I explained that one or both of us was still in school, so we kind of needed to have a full time job in order to pull off a wedding and living expenses. You'd think that would be obvious, but apparently it isn't. But really, my financial or personal reasons for not yet being engaged are not your business. If my friends ever asked about this, it was likely following something I said to them regarding marriage or the future. And if I bring it up, I think it's ok for you to ask for an update. If I wouldn't tell you about it otherwise, DON'T ASK! I know people who have been single, not dating anyone at the time or even recently, who have been asked this question. Like you can just get married at will. Seriously, it's a stupid question.
Q: When are you buying a house?
A: When I have enough money. Care to make a donation?
This one isn't so bad. It doesn't bother me that much, but it may bother others. Basically, house ownership boils down to how much money you have. And asking someone about how much money they have is definitely not appropriate. So, it's a good idea to steer clear of this one.
To summarize: if I want you to know about the very personal and important events in my life, I'll tell you. Because I WANT you to know. So if you have to ask, don't. And if you do, don't be offended when I politely decline to answer. Thanks!
P.S. It is ESPECIALLY inappropriate to ask me (or others) these things on Facebook. Because not only do I have the problem of figuring how to respond without looking like a complete jerk, other people will see the question, and possibly assume it has some merit. And that is how rumors start, folks.
Tuesday 7 June 2011
If I Ruled the World....
Ok, maybe not the world. I just have lots of ideas about how to do things differently. I think this is because I spend a lot of time driving, alone in my car with my strange thoughts. Anyway, below is a list of how I think I can make things more awesome.
1) Drive-thrus
One thing I've noticed is that the menu options are placed behind the speaker. You cannot read the menu unless you are at the speaker. And usually once you've made it there the attendant is asking for your order. If you have the menu memorized and are absolutely certain of what you want, then no problem. But what if you have an idea, but aren't certain?
My idea: put the menu before the speaker, so that you can read it before you have to order. Plus, it gives you something to look at if you have to wait before you order.
2) Grocery stores
This one I just thought of today. At the grocery store, the pin pad is near the end of the conveyor belt. But when it's time to pay, the customer is usually further down bagging groceries. Why not put the pin pad there? It'll save time, because you won't have to move around to go pay. And, while you're waiting for the transaction to be completed, you can keep bagging. Win-win!
3) Public Washrooms
The doors should swing out. They always swing in, unless it's a wheelchair accessible stall. Some stalls are small, so when you're on the inside and need to open the door to get out, you either have to hit yourself with the door or straddle the toilet. Which can lead to tripping and falling onto yucky surfaces. There's probably a good reason as to why the doors swing in. Maybe so in an emergency, or when dramatic effect is needed, the doors can be kicked in. That's the only good reason I can come up with...
So, those are my suggestions. If they inspire you to draft petitions and make changes, and therefore improve life as we all know it, so be it. I'll be your first signature!
Coming Soon: Tamara's Tips for Being Less of a Jerk.
This will be a series that will consist of my tips for being less of a jerk at work, on the bus, public places, school, and possibly more.
1) Drive-thrus
One thing I've noticed is that the menu options are placed behind the speaker. You cannot read the menu unless you are at the speaker. And usually once you've made it there the attendant is asking for your order. If you have the menu memorized and are absolutely certain of what you want, then no problem. But what if you have an idea, but aren't certain?
My idea: put the menu before the speaker, so that you can read it before you have to order. Plus, it gives you something to look at if you have to wait before you order.
2) Grocery stores
This one I just thought of today. At the grocery store, the pin pad is near the end of the conveyor belt. But when it's time to pay, the customer is usually further down bagging groceries. Why not put the pin pad there? It'll save time, because you won't have to move around to go pay. And, while you're waiting for the transaction to be completed, you can keep bagging. Win-win!
3) Public Washrooms
The doors should swing out. They always swing in, unless it's a wheelchair accessible stall. Some stalls are small, so when you're on the inside and need to open the door to get out, you either have to hit yourself with the door or straddle the toilet. Which can lead to tripping and falling onto yucky surfaces. There's probably a good reason as to why the doors swing in. Maybe so in an emergency, or when dramatic effect is needed, the doors can be kicked in. That's the only good reason I can come up with...
So, those are my suggestions. If they inspire you to draft petitions and make changes, and therefore improve life as we all know it, so be it. I'll be your first signature!
Coming Soon: Tamara's Tips for Being Less of a Jerk.
This will be a series that will consist of my tips for being less of a jerk at work, on the bus, public places, school, and possibly more.
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