Extreme Couponing: Need or Greed?

On Sunday I was making a final exam (such fun, the life of a teacher). I was home alone and wanted some background noise and something to watch when I needed a quick break. For reasons unknown, Netflix wasn't working. And Sunday afternoon TV is awful. So I put on TLC, and watched an Extreme  Couponing mini-marathon.

I hadn't actually watched the show before, but knew the premise. People use more coupons than any single person should have, and save ridiculous amounts of money. Seriously, people were saving 90% or more on their grocery bills. I was impressed. In Canada, or specifically, Ontario, I don't know if there is the same potential for savings, since some coupons and offers are restrictive, and cannot be combined. But, I was intrigued.

I began thinking about the motivation for the planning, organisation, and time invested in these savings. Could these shoppers afford their groceries otherwise? Is this done out of a need, due to low income, normal  family expenses, or unemployment? Or are extreme couponers motivated by having a larger disposable income?

The impression I got from most of the people featured on the show was that couponing wasn't a need. For some, it satisfied a shopping addiction without creating a financial hardship. Others got a thrill from saving so much (to the point where they stockpiled items they had absolutely no use for, simply because they were free or ridiculously affordable). One individual was a teenage girl, and the savings she gained for her family were used to save up for a car. But really, no one seemed to have an absolute need to save this much. To me, it seemed kind of greedy. Were they interfering with anyone else getting a great deal? Probably not. But the reason for saving all of this money (and accumulating massive amounts of grocery/household items) seemed to be simply the love of things, and having more things. In one episode, the grocery items were donated to a charity, but this was only because the shopper's husband was fed up with the crazy couponing lifestyle and insisted his wife donate because he was annoyed that his entire home had become a stock room.

Is Extreme Couponing bad? No. I just think it should serve a better purpose than having more stuff (or money). It should fill a need (for yourself, or others). Of course this is only my opinion. I, myself, use coupons when I can. But I don't obsess over saving money or having more stuff (some of the couponers seemed obsessed/addicted - not very healthy if you ask me).

She Look Like a Man (featuring Ms. Swan)

First, enjoy this.

Now on to the story.

Last week on Friday (I think) I was on my way to church to help out in the office a bit. But first, I had to stop at Tim Horton's. I go through the drive through, order my food, and pull up to the window.

Although there weren't any other cars waiting in the drive-thru, my server was incredibly rushed. She practically tosses the debit machine at me, and lets the window close. I pay, and the window reopens. I hand her the pin pad. She hands me my food.

Then, it happened.

She called me sir.

To be precise, she said "Here you go, sir!".

And she laughed. 

All I was thinking was, if anyone gets to laugh, it's me. Maybe she was laughing at herself, but still. Hold it together woman!

I don't know why she called me sir. Maybe it was because I was driving my husband's truck. Maybe in her rush she didn't get a good look at me and my feminine, flowing locks of hair. Maybe it's because I ordered a bacon-breakfast-sandwich on a biscuit (and all that cheese, bacon and fat is very manly, right?). Maybe I have to bleach/wax my upper lip. The answer to this question, I may never know. 

Maybe in response I should give myself a makeover to prevent this from ever happening again. This is a good excuse for a shopping spree, yes? Let's see if I can convince Alex of that...

Facing Failure

Today I was reading an article about the rising mental health issues today's post-secondary students are facing. Students are increasingly anxious, overwhelmed and struggling with self-harm and suicide. It's a very sad situation, and one that has been getting worse in the past few years. As a former student, and an educator, I feel like offering my perspective.

I believe much of the anxiety and stress is the result of poor coping skills. Students want to succeed, and are terrified of failure because failure just might be foreign to them. While we shouldn't set up our children to fail, we must prepare them for it. Many times, parents and students go to great lengths to avoid failure, to the point where their education may be compromised. While the student doesn't suffer the sting of failure, they don't grow, learn or get stronger either. This can leave them ill-prepared academically and emotionally when they encounter a failure they cannot avoid.

I have encountered parents that help their child cram to pass a final exam, have completed assignments for them, have harassed teachers and administrations to bend the rules in their favour and get what they want. All so their child doesn't fail a course or assessment. Parents love their children, want good things for them, and don't want to see them hurt. I completely understand that. However, sometimes what is best isn't easy, and doesn't feel good. Sometimes what is best is difficult. Sometimes what is best is letting someone fall down and allowing them to figure out how to get back up again. You may offer a helping hand, but ultimately they must do the work. And eventually they get back up on their own.

The truth is, everyone fails at some point. How we handle our failure affects our future successes or failures. But without the opportunity to face failure (with the support of our families, friends, teachers, etc.), people can feel clueless, hopeless and overwhelmed when suddenly they are facing a major challenge on their own and don't know how to manage it.

My advice? If your child/friend/person you love is facing failure, don't try to make it disappear. Support them by helping them make a plan of action to deal with their challenges, and then hold them accountable to it. This is realistic, and, in my opinion, a good way of handling things, whether the issues are academic, financial,   work-related or personal.

I have a few suggestions for students and parents for dealing with academic failure or struggle. First, the student must be involved in the solution. Don't expect to take care of the issue for them (or expect their teacher to fix it for them). Work with the student to determine a course of action. Involve the teacher - they have good ideas and know your child (and want them to succeed as well). Arrange for extra help at school, if its possible. If it's not possible, hire a tutor. If you can't afford a tutor, find resources, read your child's notes or textbook, and see if you can help them learn the concepts they have trouble with. Identify the student's strengths and abilities, and guide them in using their strengths to conquer their weaknesses. And, most importantly, lend a shoulder to cry on. Be a listening ear. And encourage them to try again if, despite their best efforts, they aren't successful.

Failure sucks. It feels awful. But it isn't permanent. We can learn from it. We can improve because of it. Without it, some people wouldn't grow. Would realize their passion, potential, strengths or how to live with less-than-ideal circumstances. Failure is a part of life, and with experience, support and access to the right tools, people can manage it without suffering serious harm.

This is the article I was reading, in case you were curious. http://www2.macleans.ca/2012/09/05/the-broken-generation/

Small Acts. Big Difference.

Sometimes there is pressure to do things on a grand scale, whether it's throwing a party or personal accomplishments. Such as graduating from university. It's ok to graduate, but it's much better to graduate with honours, awards, and about 5 years earlier than expected. I'll admit, I often feel unskilled and unimportant since I haven't really done anything on a grand scale. But there are instances that remind me that the little things are important too (and sometimes can have a great impact).

When I was in university (we're talking 5 - 9 years ago - I can't remember exactly when this happened) I was home during the day and my dog (Teeka) needed to go for a walk. She wasn't the easiest dog to walk, as she was very picky about the places where she would "go". And she was a bit anti-social. Sometimes downright mean, but that was mostly with family. She was pretty civil with the general public.

I had just exited my building with Teeka, wanting to get  the walk over with as quickly as possible, when I passed a man who stopped to play with her. He was gentle, and kind. She was on her best behaviour, and let the man pet her. I kept trying to come up with an exit strategy when the man began to speak. I cannot recall his exact words, but I'll paraphrase what he said below.

"I love dogs and kids. They don't care who you are, they always take time to play with you. They make you feel important."

I believe he mentioned that adults sometimes ignore him.  As I listened to him, I was glad I stopped. I can't be certain, but it seemed he had a disability. I realized that because he was different, a lot of people made him feel small, unimportant, or insignificant. And I almost did the same thing that so many other people had done - brushed this man off to continue on with my day. Honestly, there wasn't a good reason for me to be in a hurry. I just wanted to get back to my computer, or t.v. or something equally lame. My desire to rush was purely selfish. I felt ashamed.

Here's the thing: I probably didn't change this man's life, but hopefully I helped make his day a little brighter. I helped create a memory that would remind him that he has value, and a memory that would humble me and remind me that the easiest way to spread love in my community is to set aside a little bit of time to give someone my attention. I am reminded that everyone matters, and I shouldn't make time for people because of their appearance, ability, gender, race, religion, sexuality, political views, etc. I should make time for people because they matter. That's it.

Grand gestures, huge fundraisers, big shows,  or accolades are not a requirement to make a difference. This doesn't mean these things aren't good - it's just that they aren't the be-all and end-all for making a difference. Something as small as starting a conversation, smiling, holding a door open, or giving up your seat on the bus (which people need to do more - but I'll save that rant for another day) can impact someone. It can encourage, motivate, start a friendship, and more. And I believe a string of small acts can go a long way, and create a big change.

So what did I do with this realization? I try to be considerate. If I'm at a store, and I've picked up something I no longer want, I make the effort to put it back where I found it (in the same condition I found it). Sometimes I even straighten things up a little if I can. I try to remember to smile when I catch someone's eye. I return my shopping cart to the corral (and sometimes take a stray cart along with me). I respond if someone tries to make conversation. If an opportunity to encourage someone comes up, I take it. Sometimes I get a case of the grumpies and don't stick to this plan very well, but I hope that little by little I get better at pushing my feelings aside to do something nice for someone else.

Tamara's Guide To: Flying

I, myself, cannot fly. I don't have wings (unless you count flabby arms, but please, don't). And I'm not a pilot. But I've been a passenger on plenty of flights over the past couple of decades, and feel inspired to share my wisdom with the masses (which probably consists of my sisters, and my mom). I'm not a frequent flyer or anything, but I've been on enough flights that I feel qualified to provide tips. And anecdotes, of course. So let's get to it.


1. Pack a snack.
Airlines don't always feed you anymore (and if they do, it can be pricey and the selection usually sucks). Buy a snack ahead of time. Buy it at the airport if you have to. While you might be ripped off with higher prices, it's better than starving in the air.

2. Go to the bathroom before boarding.If your flight is short, you may be able to avoid the hassle of dealing with tiny, cramped, airplane washrooms. Besides, flushing that toilet is scary. It's loud, and I'm pretty sure if you lean over it you can get sucked in. When flushing, get as far away from that thing as fast as you can. It's for your own safety!

3. Go easy on the beverages.Especially if you don't have the aisle seats. Those sitting in your row will appreciate not having you squish past them on your way to the teeny tiny torture toilet. And you will avoid potentially rubbing your butt against a stranger, and getting sucked into the planes septic tank. Win-win-win
.

4. Try really hard not to kick the seat in front of you.
Seriously, this is annoying. One or two kicks I can forgive, but more than that, and you're testing my patience. Do this to me, and I will spend the entire flight fantasizing about kicking you in various places. And I don't want to be a jerk (or think like one). So, just don't.

5. Eat gentle foods pre-flight.
If you know something could upset your stomach, don't eat it. If your stomach doesn't feel quite right before boarding, take some Gravol, Pepto Bismol, Immodium, Gas-X or something. Seriously, I was once on a flight where a woman spent the entire time lying across the seats in her row, moaning, and passing gas. Loudly. She was lucky there was an empty row. I was lucky the smell didn't reach my seat.

6. Don't use my seat as a foot rest.
Any part of my seat that is intended as a foot rest is fair game. Any other part? No. And it's not about you moving or kicking my seat. It's about me not wanting to interact with your feet. On the way home from my honeymoon (we flew first class baby!) the woman behind me thought it was a good idea to put her BARE foot on my armrest. Seriously. My spidey-senses tingled, I looked behind me, and there it was. Her crusty-looking naked foot. NOT OKAY! My unprotected elbow could have touched that! What if she had foot fungus or athlete's foot or really bad toe jam? EW!

7. Layer your outfit for maximum comfort.
Sometimes you might be warmer/colder than intended. Prepare yourself (I suggest a t-shirt with a light sweater, and pants that aren't too thick or thin). Wear clothes that are comfortable. And, if possible, look cute. It never hurts to look cute :)

Oh, and no booty shorts or really short skirts or anything. Those things ride up, and should you choose to wear them, your bare butt cheeks are likely rubbing against that seat. The idea of what might be deposited on or picked up from public seats makes me cringe. Ugh. Let's change the topic.

8. Don't be obnoxious.
Don't speak too loudly, be polite to others, don't whine, etc. Basic common courtesy stuff.

9. Be sensitive to anxious flyers.
If someone has a white knuckled grip on their armrests, it may not be a good idea to discuss exactly how many engines the plane can lose and still fly or land safely. Or about the worst turbulence you ever encountered (mine was on my way to Cayo Coco, Cuba. The plane shook, and suddenly dropped a few feet. Fun times).

Good idea: engage the anxious flyer in conversation (about something other than flying) and get their mind off of their troubles. And try to ignore the fact that they might be exerting a death grip on your armrest. Now is a time to share.

By the way - does anyone know how many engines a plane can lose and still fly? I feel like the answer is 2.

10. Don't get up while the flight attendants are distributing food/beverages.
It doesn't matter how thin you think you are, you are not getting past that cart. Wait it out.

Ten seems like a reasonable number for a list, so I'll stop there. Mostly because I'm out of tips. And stories. If you're travelling anytime soon, have a great trip!

Oh, Deer.

When someone says "Drive safe" to you, don't say "What if I don't want to?" in response. It won't go well, trust me.

On Sunday my husband and I were hanging out with my sister and brother-in-law at their house. Around 10:30 p.m., we left (after my sister and I had the dialogue noted above). She lives in a subdivision with plazas and a busy intersections nearby, and we live in a subdivision about 15 minutes away that is in a less busy area. Along the way there are some fields, some wooded areas and some farms.

Where there are wooded areas, there is wildlife. There is often a dead skunk or raccoon on the side of roads in my area. Usually smaller animals. It's sad, but it happens. Fortunately I have not run into/over any critters.

So, anyway, we were driving home. Alex was driving, and I was looking up something in my e-mail. I had just finished, and was going to put my phone away, when out of the corner of my eye I see a deer. Before I had time to mentally register that a deer just passed in front of our car, SMACK! Her friend ran into the side of my car. (I maintain my record of not running into/over critters - she ran into me!)

The impact actually wasn't that hard, but the damage was bad. Driver's side window and mirror - gone. The window shattered. Glass was all over the interior of my car. And me. Seriously, it was in my hair, down my shirt, and in my underwear... I was a little nervous about sitting down after that. (Don't worry, my tushie is unharmed).

In addition to the window and mirror, there are two small dents in the front driver side door, and a big dent in the rear one. The rear door won't even open. Plus, there is a bunch of deer dirt on my car. Ok, it's just regular dirt that the deer was wearing. But deer dirt sounds better (I like alliteration).

So anyway, my car got mangled, and Alex and I were a bit stunned. But we got it together and pulled over. We saw the second deer run across the intersection and into an open field. The one that hit us was lying in the road. I called my sister to come meet us there, and Alex called his family and the police. It turned out a passerby had already done so, and the police got there quickly. The officer made sure we were ok, as we were picking glass out of our hair and clothing. He even offered to let us sit in the back of his cruiser. We declined. And I regret it - it would have been a great photo opportunity! My husband and me, disheveled, in the back of a police cruiser. We could have used it for our Christmas cards!

We are very thankful we got through this unhurt. Alex had a few drops of blood on his face - I was worried that it was from the deer. It turned out he had a small scratch on his ear, and a couple on his leg. Had we hit the deer head on, or had we hit a buck and not a doe, he (and I) could have been hurt badly. I was scratch free, although I think I got a tiny piece of glass in my thumb from trying to pick out the little pieces from my hair. I swear, some of the pieces were so tiny they were like grains of sand. We were happy to go home, vacuum our hair with our shop-vac (which feels really cool - I highly recommend it), clean up and go to bed.

Aside from it being a little scary, this was a bit of a learning experience. Below is a list of things I learned after hitting a deer (and some stuff I just found amusing about the whole thing).

• You can keep the dead deer if you want. The police officer asked us if we wanted it. I didn't know this was an option. It's good to know in case I ever have a craving for venison. Just kidding! But when life hands you lemons - or deer - I see no problem in making the most of the situation. Although technically, I'd be eating road kill. Which brings images of a redneck family celebrating a feast of run-over opossum, or squirrel or any other varmint that dared cross the road. (Hey ma! Look what I got fer dinner! Yee-haw!)  Hmm... not so appetizing anymore.
• Vacuuming your hair feels cool. You feel the air rushing around your scalp. I guess this is what it would feel like to be bald in a breeze. I hope to never confirm this, though.
• Although the deer hit the car's exterior, tons of her hair ended up inside - on Alex, me, the front and back seats. On the bright side, my car was due for a vacuuming, so that got done. Twice. And there's still glass in there. And I think I've eliminated the deer scent.
• On the accident report, the police officer put "Deer" under the section for the other driver's information. I don't know why, but I find this funny.
• One of the guys that works at the Enterprise connected with the collision repair centre is named Shazam. Seriously - that's the name on his birth certificate. I told him he was in the wrong line of work. He doesn't seem to be interested in being a magician though. He did take a deer hair still left on my car home to look at under his microscope.

So, that's all I have to say on the matter (for now). I thank God for keeping us safe and unhurt. And the next time someone says "Drive safe", I won't make any stupid jokes (although we did drive safely in this incident - just want to make sure you don't think we're reckless deer killers).

I got skillz....

Scene: Alex and I are sitting on our couches (I am perpendicular to him at the end of one couch, he is on another). I am eating chocolate chips.

Alex: Pass me the chocolate chips.

I motion to throw one to him.

Alex: Pass me the bag.

Me: We're going to do this the fun way.

Alex opens his mouth slightly. I toss, and it lands on the middle of the tip of his tongue. He didn't even have to move his head.


Clearly, I am awesome.

Not really. It was a total fluke. I have no aim.

But, still awesome.